Thursday, November 24, 2011

Fidelity lost

I flung you round me
round and away, into the wailing dark.

You say I pushed you.

I thought it would be safe
to let you go.

I thought you would be back,
drawn again and again
to my endless solar song.

Now I see you there,
shifting through the far reaches,
pulling me retrograde
as you chase the fire of a faraway sun.

I hope you never reach her.

I hope the ice stings your cheeks
and the chill fog pulls
the wind from your breast.

I hate you. I love you.
I never wanted you gone.

Rachel Westfall
November 22, 2011

... in response to Christopher


christopher said...

Taking Your Leave

I look back along
the track, the old track I left
now that I run past
in parallel ways
that will soon diverge from you.
You have released me
though I did not wish
for this release, though I broke
the lines of your force
all by my foolish
self, sure I would be as safe
as I ever was.

Liza Ursu said...

"my endless solar song"
Rachel, this piece has cast a spell on me.
thank you.

RachelW said...

Ahh, Christopher.... I am trying to find words to weave together in response. I'm not sure if it will come. I want to break away from this sadness.

And Lisa, thank you!

christopher said...

Yes, it may be time for that. But if it is not yet time, no sweeping under the rug. That doesn't work and you know that already. Loving you, my friend.

Rachel Westfall said...

Of course you are right, Christopher. Knowing me, though, I'm the type who will keep poking at a bruise just to remind myself that I'm supposed to feel miserable. Sometimes I just have to make myself leave it alone.

christopher said...

Oof, I hate being caught in that one. I tend to use the image of damaging my tongue poking the new hole in my broken tooth. Hope you figure out how to stop goading the mama bear.

erin said...

rachel, i feel the loss here, and worse, the being instrumental in the loss. sometimes i wonder just who the self takes orders from.

hope you're healing:)


RachelW said...

Erin, don't worry. :) It's a general disposition, and a fantasy poem, not a reflection on a new wound. But yeah, I'm often amazed at just how much damage I can do without meaning to.